A treatise on the habits and habitats of the species comprising the family Neurophagus
Tuesday, February 17th, 2009Neurophagus tripidium (extinct)
N. tripidium is believed to be the oldest species of neurophage and evolutionary ancestor of all of our better-known modern species. It is believed to have fallen into extinction several hundred years ago. While some modern neurophagologists blame its extinction on its being “out-evolved” by more advanced species, it is my conviction that the substantial differences between N. tripidium and more modern species should have prevented any serious competition between them, and that it is habitat destruction by humans that caused the demise of this fascinating species.
At this time, the science of neurophagology was in its infancy, and so our knowledge of N. tripidium is extremely limited – which to my mind is a pity as it sounds a fascinating creature. Coupled with this was N. tripidium’s apparent preference for isolated and swampy areas as opposed to the primarily urban habitat preferred by modern neurophages, making observation of the species difficult.
One common note between all accounts of N. tripidium is that it would appear to be the only known domesticatable species of neurophage – all records of this species are of domesticated specimens. The secrets of domestication were held tightly by a small and exclusive religious sect (or possibly several similar sects – records are unclear on this point). A domesticated specimen is believed to have made a faithful and obedient pet as well as an excellent watch animal. Many early neurophagologists also noted that N. tripidium displayed some powers of speech. Most neurophages have limited mimicry abilities, but writings on this species suggest significantly more advanced language skills than the limited vocabulary of the modern neurophage.
The most unique behaviour displayed by N. tripidium, however, is its unusual habit of “dancing.” Individuals of the species would often acquire items of clothing (records often state that they seemed to hold a preference for top hats) and perform a lively dance, usually near the outskirts of local towns. Early neurophagologists believed that this was a mating dance, and that the items of clothing were stolen from the town as a test of bravery. However, it has since been proven that all species of neurophage reproduce asexually, and as such many modern neurophagologists have claimed that N. tripidium’s dances were territorial, performed in an attempt to scare away the humans inhabiting the town. However, it is my theory that the dances were a learned behaviour, taught to the neurophages by the bizarre religious sects responsible for taming this unusual species.
Although N. tripidium has been believed to be extinct for several hundred years, it was briefly believed that living specimens had been found after a video released in December 1983 depicted a large number of them dancing. However, the neurophages in the video were soon proved to be a forgery.
Neurophagus neurophagus
The common neurophage, well known to people worldwide, is generally seen as a pest. When set loose in an urban area, this species multiplies rapidly to plague proportions – however, a number of natural predators of the neurophage family, including Vesica silva, Vesica volubilus and most members of the Diffundinflectum family, can easily be used for biological control.
Like all neurophages, N. neurophagus is a primarily carnivorous species. While they will scavenge or even resort to cannibalism when food supplies are scarce, they prefer fresh meat. An individual of N. neurophagus is a very slow and ungainly creature, so the species generally hunts as a swarm and overwhelms its prey by sheer force of numbers. This reduces the food available to each individual, but is overall better for the species as its food requirements are quite small for a creature of its size. Some neurophagologists claim that these swarm behaviours are an indication of a hive mentality, but this is doubtful given that individuals will pursue prey regardless of whether or not they are in a swarm and the general lack of communal sense between neurophages. Experiments have proven that an N. neurophagus swarm is in fact nothing more than a large number of individuals hunting the same prey.
N. neurophagus displays remarkable vitality, capable of surviving most injuries short of decapitation. It also displays limited mimicry abilities, usually limited to a few simple words.
Neurophagus ferox
This is a recently discovered form of neurophage, and as such its relation to other species is uncertain; it may be a subspecies, variation or mutation of N. neurophagus. Both species prefer urban environments and reproduce at an extremely rapid rate, reaching plague proportions in days if food supplies are abundant. N. ferox reproduces even faster than N. neurophagus, making it the fastest reproducing neurophage currently known to science.
There are several notable differences between species neurophagus and ferox, however. N. ferox is exclusively carnivorous, having never been observed scavenging or engaging in cannibalism. While individuals of N. ferox are faster than those of N. neurophagus, they do not share its durability and are much more vulnerable to predation from Vesica silva, Vesica volubilus or members of family Diffundinflectum, as well as the related family Volitalinflectum. The hunting tactics of N. ferox resemble those of N. neurophagus, but would seem to be driven by much greater communal or pack mentality. Some neurophagologists have even claimed that N. ferox has developed a primitive “hive mind.” It is certainly true that individual ferox will not attack prey, instead searching for backup and then returning to hunt. Packs of ferox are skilled at ambushing prey or isolating it from a group. N. ferox also shows a unique attraction to flashing lights and loud noises – the reason for this is unknown.
Several unusual forms of N. ferox have been observed in heavily infested areas – this is further evidence towards the “hive” concept, with many neurophagologists suggesting that these subspecies serve important roles in the ecology of the species. Neurophagus ferox glutonious stores a sticky honey within its body, believed to act as a food source for the hive when prey is scarce. Neurophagus ferox magnolacertosus is far stronger than any other neurophage, capable of lifting many times its own body weight, and serves as prime defender for the hive. Neurophagus ferox porrolingua is especially skilled at catching fast prey and holding it down while the rest of the hive attacks. Neurophagus ferox lamia is the only species of neurophage ever observed to have distinct sexual dimorphism, although whether or not these forms breed is unknown (some neurophagologists claim that the male is a separate subspecies, designated Neurophagus ferox insultus). The male form is an especially skilled hunter and can easily bring down prey with its incredible leaping ability – the female form uses advanced mimicry behaviour to lure in prey before dismembering it.
Neurophagus parasiticum
N. parasiticum consists of two forms of macroparasite, generally referred to as N. parasiticum hemipteroides and N. parasiticum brachyuroides. The classification of this species as a neurophage and the degree of similarity between the two subspecies is uncertain as no DNA analysis has yet been performed on either form. Further complicating the issue is the fact that both hemipteroides and brachyuroides seem to occur in a number of variations, each with notably different appearance and biology. They are classified here as neurophages, however, as a convenient measure, as they share a number of similar behaviours.
While brachyuroides is capable of independent movement without a host, hemipteroides travels as spores and will die if isolated from the host once mature. Neither species is especially discriminating about their hosts and will infect many warm-blooded and some cold-blooded species. Once infected, the host will display behaviour typical of neurophages, including extreme predatory nature and slow movement. All of the typical predators of neurophages will attack a host infested with N. parasiticum if no other food is available, although oddly enough Corvus talea shows an preference for subspecies brachyuroides.
Neurophagus archaedes
The rarest modern species of neurophage, only one specimen of Neurophagus achaedes has ever been observed. It was captured after having somehow infiltrating the depths of a secret government facility using only a cardboard box as camouflage. Once placed in captivity, the specimen showed an unusual interest in the internet, occasionally visiting www.emergencybananaproductions.com and posting slightly bizarre comments. It’s okay though, because he’s pretty cool. Even if he does like the 360.
