Cast & Crew
Major Characters
Name: Radicalfield “Rad” Antti Howard Leftborg
Species: Felis sapiens mcdonaldensis
Date of Birth De-tubing: July 10th, 1985
Place of Birth De-tubing: Odense, Denmark (although he always emphasises that he was conceived in the Corporate States of America)
Political affiliation: Moderate leftist of immoderate proportions
Degree: Legal (And Illegal, Where Appropriate) Studies of Chemistry 213-25385
Likes: Pie, cigars, politics, gullible voters, ch33z3burg3rs (but not McDonalds ones)
Dislikes: Conservatives of all flavours, economics, olives
Radicalfield Leftborg is an anthropomorphic sentient Russian Blue cat with a great interest in politics, created as a result of the infamous McDonalds Vermin Burger Project. Cats aren’t strictly vermin, but since when can you trust what McDonalds about what they put in their burgers?
Rad seems to have attached himself to the legal department of the University of Novocastria, although nobody is too sure whether or not he had actually gotten a scholarship. Nevertheless, his guile and manipulative abilities have allowed him to earn top marks, although he has yet to actually attend a lecture.
Rad, like all cats, is on the surface an easygoing and somewhat lazy guy; however, this hides a core of raw ambition. He is, at heart, a devious, manipulative bastard with no great tolerance of those who disagree with him. It is generally believed that he will go far in politics if he can ever get off the couch.
Name: Daniella “Dan” Revolutia E’Connorsby
Species: Vulpes sapiens mcdonaldensis
Date of Birth De-tubing: April 4th, 1984
Place of Birth De-tubing: the People’s Democratic Secret McDonalds Laboratory of Onðebordur Island (sort of halfway between the UK and Iceland)
Political affiliation: Enviro-communist
Degree: Biochemical chemo-ecologics 233-40808
Likes: Pie, the environment, cynicism, spying on Rad and his friends for no reason.
Dislikes: Conservatives, mainstream and fringe leftists, olives, politics in general.
Daniella E’Connorsby is a red fox created by the same Vermin Burger Project and gives the term “The Red Menace” a whole new dimension. According to her, the fall of the Soviet Union was a mere unfortunate setback along the inevitable global road of progress to a Communist utopia, as outlined by Marx and Engels in the Communist Manifesto and altered by subsequent philosophers. According to everyone else, she’s stark raving mad.
Dan was an environmentalist before it was trendy, and as such is dismissive of the 21st century phenomenon of mainstream environmentalism. She is sceptical about the realities of human-caused climate change, believing that habitat destruction is a far greater threat to the future of humanity and non-human sentience.
Dan can best be described as world-weary, more often tolerating life than enjoying it. She is generally grumpy or bored and rarely smiles except in preparation for one of her dry and sarcastic jokes. She has claimed that she only feels truly alive when maniacally protesting against the latest developments in urban development, or engaging in inept guerrilla revegetation. She acutely despises politics, but for some reason likes discussing it with everyone.
Name: Pahiheron Holmerson Allardanx
Species: Quodserattus quodserattus
Date of birth: 37th of Jëxökuuv, 17453
Place of birth: Quodseria, Severa
Political affiliation: Generic leftist
Degree: Physical Mathematics
Likes: Pie, bird-watching, calculus
Dislikes: Minnurt’s behaviour, his home planet (presumably), maths illiterates, olives
Pahiheron is an alien from the country of Quodseria on planet Severa, located approximately seven light-years from Earth. Nobody has ever worked out why he left his home planet, although it is believed that he found it rather boring there.
Pahiheron has travelled the Earth somewhat since arriving here, picking up a mastery of most European languages (particularly Estonian, Finnish, Russian and Swedish), and is a self-proclaimed “expert birdwatcher.” However, the operative term here is “self-proclaimed,” as he is the only person known to have competed in the annual Australian Twitchathon without spotting a single bird, having drunk some of Jim’s “Blindbottle” homebrew the night before.
Pahiheron is generally level-headed, the calm to Minnurt’s storm. He generally sticks close to his fellow Quodseratt in order to prevent him from getting killed, a goal which seems to have so far been fairly successful. He frequently gives Minnurt a clip on the ear when things are about to get ugly, or would do so if Quodseratts had any protruding hearing apparatus. Perhaps this is why things get ugly quite often.
Name: Minnurt Vëjküs Quardek
Species: Quodserattus minor (or Quodserattus quodserattus subsp. minor — there is some dispute among astrobiologists as to the degree of separation between them)
Date of birth: 36th of Jëxökuuv, 17460
Place of birth: Quodseria, Severa
Political affiliation: Generic anarchist
Degree: Psychopathological Mathematical Physics
Likes: Pie, Iceland, extreme sports
Dislikes: Olives, physics illiterates, moving slowly
Favourite word: Hejëëxi (translating from Quodserian as “unprovoked aerial assault with jellyfish”)
Minnurt travelled to Earth along with Pahiheron after his edajsuudvoo (the Quodserian equivalent of television) picked up archival footage of a skier. He piloted his and Minnurt’s craft onto the moon by accident, where he briefly attempted to ski using the remnants of Apollo 12 before Pahiheron pointed out that the big blue planet over there looked much more interesting. His greatest regret is not asking Nick Park for more cash when he sold his story.
Minnurt is believed to hold several unofficial world records for his extreme sports achievements, including driving down Mount Erebus on a jetski (dropped from a helicopter) and perfecting the art of lava-surfing in Iceland. He has come to the University of Novocastria to perfect his skills at projectile motion in order to better calculate trajectories for his stunts.
Minnurt is the storm to Pahiheron’s calm (see above). He rarely thinks before he acts, frequently leading him to downright stupid behaviour. He is somewhat headstrong and frequently sarcastic, and is only happy when he’s doing something patently stupid at a ridiculously high speed. Luckily for him, Pahiheron is usually there to help.
Name: Jimothy “Jim” van der Lust
Species: Homo sapiens var. obesissimus
Date of birth: July 21st, 1969
Place of birth: Believed to be Neutralia
Political affiliation: Pieman
Degree: Pieman
Likes: Pie, beer, sausages, grog & quinine (when he’s feeling sophisticated)
Dislikes: Olives, American beer (a.k.a. sex in a canoe), megacorporations
Jim van der Lust is a typical Neutralian, meaning someone who can wear corks around his hat and mean it. His diet consists almost exclusively of various near-meaty delicacies washed down with beer and tomato sauce. On the surface, his only remarkable achievement was being the first human to meet Pahiheron and Minnurt after they landed on Earth, during his failed dieting trip to Australia. He took them to the pub, an episode with which they were not exactly pleased.
However, this aura of innocence is merely the mask which Jim projects to the world. Jim has in fact been trained in the many deadly arts of the ancient Order of Piemen, including the not-so-secret use of the Forks (poke your opponent with them until they fall over, then shoot them with a fire extinguisher made in Britain). Who taught him these arts is unknown, but he is known to have once taken an apprentice called George.
Jim is an incredibly friendly and easygoing guy, qualities which are only increased when drunk. He loves cricket and was a great player in his youth, but can no longer muster enough breath to get from one end of the pitch to the other and now prefers watching it to playing. Despite years of heavy drinking, he is astonishingly bad at holding his drink and becomes severely tipsy after a dozen cans or so.
Minor characters
Professor Gareth Cabbidge was a former hardline Marxist professor of Critical Theory (and is there any other kind?) but was rapidly disillusioned after the fall of the Berlin Wall and has now completely embraced capitalism. At last report, he was the University of Novocastria’s bureaucrat-in-chief. Unsurprisingly, Dan despises him.
Bernard Jonathan Fartinger moved to Neutralia from the former U.S.A. to study Cultural Studies at the University of Novocastria. He failed spectacularly in his first year, but Cabbidge was immensely impressed by his evil laugh. Bernard is now in the position of University of Novocastria’s Arch-Villain (i.e. on top of the entrance arch), a job in which he earns far more than any of his classmates ever will.
Crew
Name: Lachlan McGowan/”God of Pie”
Species: Homo sapiens var. nerdicius
Date of birth: June 25th, 1992
Place of birth: Newcastle (the best bloody town in the world)
Political affiliation: Moderate Leftist of moderate proportions
Position: Writer
Likes: Webcomics, video games, music, webcomics, pie, cake, trade unionism and webcomics
Dislikes: Jocks, conservatives, modern “rock” “music”, McDonalds
Lachlan McGowan discovered webcomics several years ago and loved them so much that he went and poked his artistic friend Azarov until he agreed to draw one. Now that he has finally gotten the site up, he feels a sense of elation which, in all probability, will evaporate in a few weeks and be replaced by boredom and disillusionment. He hopes that it will be fun while it lasts. He also hopes that cake may be involved.
Lachlan’s hobbies include webcomics, video games, and singing bass in the Hunter Singers. His political side is the inspiration for the character Rad, which is sure to make you want to get to know him closer. When he’s not waiting for Azarov to draw the next comic at www.emergencybananaproductions.com, he can be found on the Übercharged.net forums, or talking to strangers on Omegle.
He would really like a girlfriend. Please?
Name: “Azarov98″
Species: Homo sapiens var. communis
Date of birth: 09/05/1991 (which also happens to be the Soviet Victory Day, re WWII)
Place of birth: Somewhere in the former USSR
Location: Melbourne (home of the crappulemious railway company Disconnex)
Political affiliation: Vorkers of zi verld, eet pie! Yuu hev nuzzing to loose bet yuur crusts!
Position: Writer/artist/master writer of ye long posts and comments, like this one.
Likes: Australian wildlife, coffee, ginger beer, drawing, making noises
Major dislikes: Politics, capitalism, and the general stupidity of humanity
Other dislikes: Honestly, why bother… The list is endless.
The mysterious Azarov98′s name is known to the other members of the JPS crew, but he has opted not to have it mentioned on the website. We think that it’s an attempt to hide his identity from the robots. While this is a noble goal, it is ultimately a futile one. The robots know everything. No-one will escape…
What is known about him is that he was born in Eastern Europe shortly before the fall of the Soviet Union. He has been to several former Soviet states and also Sweden and Åland, Finland (by accident), and is now resident in the Magic Land of Aus.
Azarov98 is neither nerd nor geek, but instead has somehow transcended them into the bizarre realms beyond. He has an obsessive mind, a strange spiritual relationship with fire extinguishers, and several types of synaesthesia. He has a morbid obsession with languages (particularly Finno-Ugric ones), despite the fact that he can only have a quasi-intelligent conversation in Russian or English. In other characteristics, he is much like Dan. That alone should put you off trying find out who he is.
Name: Al Long/”Mechanized Overlord”
Species: Homo sapiens var. geekiosissimus
Date of Birth: He can fill it in for me
Place of birth: Lake Macquarie (which is like Newcastle, but wetter)
Political affiliation: Apathist
Position: Phantom Postman
Likes: Video games, computer games, anime, manga, the Internets (what an ütkrönkkëröüs geek)
Dislikes: Normal human social interaction
Al Long is responsible for getting the Jeff’s Pie Shop website online. Apart from this, he has absolutely nothing to do with the comic, but he threatened us with violence and pwnage unless we put his profile up here.
He is a geek. A geeky geek. The saddest thing is that the people we hang out with are even geekier. Pray to whatever gods, demons, scientists or insane German dictators you believe in that you never meet that lot.
Al is the inspiration behind a probable future JPS character – a cyborg goldfish.
Name: Monsieur le Pomme de Terre
Species: Solanum tuberosum ferox
Date of Birth: Unknown
Place of birth: Unknown
Political affiliation: Angry French
Position: Angry French Potato
Likes: Himself, the word “nincompoop”
Dislikes: Everything
Monsieur le Pomme de Terre is an angry French potato who turned up one day, and who we have yet to get rid of. He likes calling things “nincompoops.” When asked why, he replied “try saying ‘nincompoop’ in a French accent, you nincompoop!”
We did. It’s fun. Try it.